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Don't Believe Cheryl Crow and Other Hindsights

By 2:03 PM


You know that saying: hindsight is 20/20?
What a true statement!  I find that I can see so clearly when I reflect back.

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This morning, as I was driving to work, one of my favorite "girl jams" from the 90s came on the radio.  If you grew up in my era, you're probably familiar with Cheryl Crow's Strong Enough.  Man oh man did I love that song! I would play it on repeat in junior high and high school (right along with all things Alanis Morisette, old-school Jewel, and eventually the Dixie Chicks. Shout out to the Lilith Fair days.)

Anyway, back to the song.
I was a bit surprised this morning as I re-absorbed the lyrics.  Three minutes down the interstate and my blood was boiling because it's actually a horrible song for women (especially impressionable teenage girls).  Here is the chorus, the sole idea repeated throughout:

Are you strong enough to be my man?  Lie to me, I promise I'll believe. Lie to me, but please don't leave.   -Cheryl Crow, Strong Enough, 1994 
Crow begins and ends the song by mentioning her frustration ("I feel like hell tonight" and "When I've shown you I just don't care & I'm throwing punches in the air").  In between it all, she coos to her fella: are you strong enough for this? Strong enough to support me, bad days and all?  If you aren't, just lie.  Lie and I'll believe it... because what's worse than the lie is being alone.

What a tragic message to teach women!  And honestly, it's nothing new in our culture. For instance, how many women do you personally know who stay with someone who's basically an okay guy because it's someone?

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I hate to admit it, but Crow's message made roots in my teenage heart-- deeper than I want to acknowledge.  Hindsight is 20/20 on this one.  Truth is: throughout my college & grad school years, every guy I ever dated, I knew I didn't want to marry.  Every single one of them, I knew... and yet I'd stay in the relationship.

Isn't that systematically ridiculous? That women are taught to seek any relationship because it beats solitude?  What a bullshit notion!  Being in a bad relationship isn't better than being alone.  In fact, even being in a decent relationship does not trump singleness; I'd argue it's the pretty-good romances that really mess with your head because you spend your days convincing yourself to settle instead of getting out of the relationship.

So I guess here's what I'm trying to say:
Cheryl, your melody is lovely but your lyrics are abhorrent.  Those words speak an ugly message into our world, especially to women who are already tempted to believe that being alone is the worst of all realities.  I'd like to state for the record: if you're with a guy who is not strong enough to be your man, then get the hell out.  If you're with a fella just to be with someone: move on.  Staying means you believe the lie that being in a relationship is better than being out of one (which just isn't true)!  
And if you are single, that's alright. Even on the days where singleness feels like an abyss of solitude and marital hopelessness, remind yourself that you're okay and lonely days pass. If you're single, you likely have pluck which makes you a stunning beauty (and we should be friends)

Finally, in either case, it's time to remember that we know not the minute or hour when *Prince Charming might show his face at last.


*double entendre for you to chew on.

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