at rest
I received an email from a friend the other day, only it wasn't addressed to me. The email was written to a boy -- a kind, strong, Jesus-loving boy who unfortunately never quite figured out how to handle a girl's heart. My friend is a kind, strong, Jesus-loving girl, but her heart was broken by this boy.
After months of waiting on closure and healing, she felt brave one night. She drafted an email confessing that although she wanted to hate the boy for how he had treated her, she could not. She still cared for him and thought of him often. This was the draft that came to my inbox; it was sent to me instead of the boy. The subject heading commanded, "Read this and then call me so we can talk about it."
I read the email and then called her, because that's what friends do in urgent matters of the heart. We talked about why she felt like writing it and what she hoped to gain. We discussed the benefits and the repercussions of such a letter. In the end, we decided to pray and listen for God to speak about it truly being sent to the boy. In His faithfulness, He did speak. These words spilled out into a reply later that night:
It is true that in some moments we are striving women. Yes, we long to say these things to the men who have hurt us. Yes, we long to take matters into our own hands and manipulate feelings and defend ourselves. But that is only true in some moments. It is not who we are the full course of our lives.
Overall, we are women at rest. Our souls are at rest in the presence of our Savior. They are at rest in the community of dear friends. Our souls rest in the love and affirmation that comes from families that dearly cherish us. We are at rest knowing that God, in His magnificent sovereignty, knows our days and hours. We rest knowing that He is not unaware of our longings. We rest knowing that He is good.
So you should not send this email, not because it isn't true. It is true of today. And it might have been true of last week. And last month. But you cannot tell me that it will be true tomorrow or next week or next year. Because this woman that you truly are, this woman at rest, is seeping more and more into the crevices left empty by the striving woman.
You are not desperate. You are beloved. And the man that comes after your heart will not need you to tell him that.
I love you and I think this email is important. Archive it. Because one day you will read it and realize that you are over him. And that will be the day that you can delete it and celebrate the fact that life does move forward. And neither the idols nor the innocent longings of our hearts have power over the satisfaction and contentment that comes from knowing Christ.
My kind, strong, Jesus-loving friend knew these words were true and she never sent the email. May your heart know the same.
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