Every relationship is unique.  Similarly, every breakup is different.  They each occur for different reasons.  For instance, the reason my fella and I broke up is because we couldn't arrive at a place where we were certain about a future together. (He may have a different summary statement, I'm not sure).

This is our heartbreak story, and now we have certain obstacles to overcome.  For instance....
(1) We must shut off the love we have for one another.
(2) We don't have anger as a moving-on catalyst. And everyone knows that despising an ex is a sure fire way to get past the heartache.  Even though I wasn't always protected or honored in the relationship, I don't hate him. As far as I can tell, he doesn't hate me.
(3) We were friends first. And we were friends foremost in our romantic relationship.  It was our friendship that sustained us. We shared stories, likes, dislikes, movie reviews, research ideas, co-worker struggles, family concerns, etc. And now I must put that connection behind me somehow.
(4) We had become one another's life-lines.  He was always running ideas past me, and I tried to listen and respond as best I could. He looked to me for consultation, encouragement, and advise on school, research topics, and all kinds of things. And I made him my life-line too. He was this beautiful, steadfast person for me. He was my strength during one of the hardest transitions I've ever faced.  His support came in the form of calls, video chats, texts, visits, and mooning over my cute dog (it's a big deal when someone loves your pup as much as you do).

I'm sure there are dozens of other obstacles, but these are the four that jump to mind as I write today. And these are the four I've been struggling with all week. I keep asking myself: How do I stop loving this man?  Should I focus on reasons to hate him just to move on? Have I lost my friend? How will I survive without him?

These obstacles are haunting in that there are no easy solutions.
-- For one, I don't know how to "turn off" love.
-- Secondly, I don't want to hate him. I don't want to rack through memories and store up reasons to despise him. I'd rather remember the love and support and laughter.
-- I want to continue being his friend. But will I be able to do that when the time comes? Or will all of this heartache and silence be nails in the coffin of our romance and friendship?
-- Finally, I don't know how to construct a new life-line. There's no quick replacement process.  Especially since all this loss has created confounding issues (e.g., I now hate where I live because I have no local community. No girls nights, happy hours, holiday traditions, etc).

I'm hoping that identifying my unique obstacles will allow me to focus my recovery energies.  Now that I know WHAT I must do (i.e., stop loving him and discover local community)
...... next I figure out HOW to do these things.

I guess that's a start?!