It's Personal
This post is shared in conjunction with Rachel Held Evans' "A Week of Mutuality" by Meredith. Rachel is devoting a series of blog posts to the discussion of an egalitarianism in the Church—including relevant biblical texts and practical applications. Meredith is a part of Neighborhood Church in Memphis, a community that has chosen to empower all disciples in ministry regardless of gender. Below are some thoughts she shared with her family there last year.
A few months ago, our Leadership Team began to study the Scriptures related to women in ministry. I wanted to come to the table and to these Scriptures with a clean slate and fresh eyes. I’ve been studying these passages for a long time now and have experienced a variety of teaching on gender and ministry. I never want my background to bias me as we continue to ask the Spirit to guide us into Truth. I don’t want it to be personal. But I have to acknowledge we all come to the table with our experiences and cultural background playing a part in how we interpret Scripture. This is personal for me, and for you, although it’s taken me some time to accept that. You might not need a story for why that’s true, but this is mine.
I have several distinct memories of my grandmother asking me what I wanted to be when I was a little girl, as young as age six. She would say in her sweet Southern drawl, “Meredith, what you do you want to be when you grow up?” I would answer with something pretty tame (usually a librarian) to which she would reply, “OR you could be a Investment Banker OR you could be a Surgeon OR you could be an Attorney.” Somehow my mother would always come on the scene at that exact moment and quietly counter, “OR she could be a missionary.”
From childhood I perceived that, as a female in the world, I could
do anything. No position of power or prestige was off limits to
me. I could be Secretary-General of the United Nations.
Yet, in the church the pool of options was severely
limited. Based on what I saw, I had three options.
First, I could be a missionary. Second, I could be like
Beth Moore, an amazing women’s Bible teacher. (But let’s face it, even
though I grew up in Texas I still can’t get my hair THAT big.) Or
the last option was to marry a minister, which remains to this day the most frightening
path of the three.
After years of this “what do you want to be” scenario,
the only thing I really knew was that I loved Jesus and wanted
everyone to know Him and love Him. So I set the course of my life to be a
missionary. I packed up and went to a small Christian university where I
could gain a practical skill and study the Bible. I was so excited about
taking those few Bible classes in nursing school. I soaked them up and
was jealous of other people that actually got to declare a major in Christian
Studies. Then, I took New Testament Survey. My professor, whom I
greatly respected, arrived at 1 Timothy 2 and made an absolute statement.
He said that Scripture was clear: There is no circumstance where a
woman should be allowed to teach a group of men and women. And
technically, we can say that boys become men at age 13 so no woman should ever
teach males over that age.
This was the first time that I had been told this so
explicitly. I went back to my dorm room and cried because I had taught
men in church over the age of 13 and I did not know it was wrong. Even
now as an adult I still remember I felt shame for communicating the love
of Christ in a public setting. I didn’t know if I should repent for
wanting to talk about the glory of God. I felt confused about when it was
okay for me to speak up about the power and healing in the blood of
Jesus. That day I got out every translation of the Bible and
every commentary I owned. I began to study this issue, specifically of women
teaching, and I learned not everyone interpreted the Scripture in the same
way my professor did. That day, I first realized this issue was
personal for me. I wish I could say it was the only time Scripture
was wielded in such a way that I, as a female, was made to feel inferior or
incapable in the Kingdom of God. It was not. I could tell you
similar stories, both my own and those of my friends, but there's no
need. Instead, I’d just like you to think back to your childhood.
Do
you remember as a child the joy that came from being invited to a birthday party at the pool? I
mean, remember when you were a really little kid and it wasn’t on your radar
yet to be concerned about how you looked in a swimsuit or how well you could
swim. A pool party was the most
amazing thing. You showed up at
the party, jumped into the pool and loved every moment swimming with
your friends. Then at some point,
it was time to get out and celebrate.
You ate the most perfect ice cream cake, ice-cold
watermelon, Capri Suns -- the richest of fare. Then a mom declared you cannot get back in the
pool for at least thirty minutes; it's dangerous to swim on a full stomach. So you sat, for what felt like an
eternity, on the edge of the pool with just your legs dangling in. You were waiting for someone to
say you’re free to do what you most want to do.
Some
days, this is what it feels like to be a woman in the church. I am invited to the party. I get to enjoy spending time with my
friends and invite others to join us.
I get to sit at the banquet table and eat. Yet at some point, I am told that I cannot get back in the
pool. Because I am female, I must
sit on the side and wait. Or
perhaps I can wade into the shallow end with the kids, and maybe eventually the
deep end--but there is absolutely no diving. And why? I am not allowed because I am a girl. Frankly, it’s confusing. But the truth is it’s my Father’s
pool. He says who gets to
swim and He determines who
participates in bringing the Kingdom of Heaven to earth.
Ironically,
God gave me what you might call my life verse before I realized that it was culturally inappropriate for the Evangelical South. It’s 1
Samuel 2:35. At this point in the
life of Israel, God says “For I will raise up for myself a faithful priest, who
will do according to what is in my heart and my mind. I will firmly establish his house, and he will minister
before my anointed one always.”
This verse wrecks me every time I read it. It confirms that regardless
of my career path, my life is supposed to be about letting God raise me up to
help people connect with Him -- whether they’re from Memphis, Burundi or
Afghanistan. And that means I
have to be connected to Him and do what is on His heart and mind. I want God to establish my life in
Truth so that I will serve Jesus always, empowered by His Spirit. And I have these desires...as a girl. Honestly, everyone seems completely fine with me saying that if I only serve as a Registered Nurse. It’s when we try to figure out what it actually looks like
in the life of a local church that it gets messy and complicated and a hundred
different voices choose to weigh in.
Amidst all of this, I can’t tell you
what a privilege it is to be a part of a community unafraid to face the
messy, complicated and hard things in Scripture. Together, in Christ, we can be healed of all bitterness and
resentment related to this particular issue as we take our own positions in
grace and humility. We do this because we
realize that it is personal and it does matter.
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