My last post explained that I was headed to the woods, to be alone and contemplate the last year of my life. My experience was a healing one, to say the least.

I drove down to Red River Gorge last Saturday afternoon. I pulled into the first hiking trail that summoned my name.
I loved it. I hiked for a few hours, exploring the gorge all by myself. Taking in the scenery. Bouldering. Sliding down dirt hills. Investigating each cave and waterfall with steadfast focus. It was a blast.

Eventually I made my way to one of the primary outlooks and set up my camping chair. I pulled out my journal and began an introspective journey, one brimming with personal disappointment. Somehow I'd worked myself into a state of deep defeat; I mentally reviewed the last year and pessimistically felt only regret for the life I had lived. I journaled for hours about who I had been and WHO I WANTED TO BE... and since those identities didn't perfectly align, I was discontent.

I wrote and wrote and cried and wrote more......
Finally, I put my pen down and sat quietly before God and His creation.
I sat back in my camping chair, feet propped up, beer in hand, journal scattered across my chest, and I listened.
I listened to the birds, locusts, and every enchanting forest sound. I listened to the soft breeze and felt it naturally cool my sweaty skin. I looked out across the gorge to see God's impressive mountains, forests, and stunning sunset.

I dejectedly assumed all my self-conclusions were correct. I sat before the Lord ready to hear His whisper of agreement: "Your life is mediocre, child."
Instead, I was greeted by the magnificence of God's beauty all around me. And then the most remarkable thing happened, He revealed His delight.
I sat ready to be condemned and instead heard God tell me that He loves me. I felt His nearness and with it He reassured me that He is well pleased. I heard His voice declare: "I delight in you, child."

Important moments rarely look monumental when they're happening. But this one was different. I immediately knew that God was reshaping my thinking. He revoked my right to evaluate myself as failing. God stepped in and wrecked my dysfunctional worldview, similar to an experience Maya Angelou had with her mother at the age of 8. Maya had taken a hiatus from speaking, after being raped and her assailant murdered when word spread throughout the town. In an effort at honesty and encouragement, Maya's mother softly said, "Baby, you know something? I think you are the greatest woman I have ever met. Yes. Mary McLeod Bethune, Eleanor Roosevelt, my mother, and you-- and you are the greatest."
Years later, an interview with Maya revealed that just after hearing those words, she climbed upon a streetcar with tears rolling down her cheeks wondering to herself: Suppose I really am somebody? (story compliments of Don Miller, Searching for God Knows What)

It's a powerful thing for someone to look you square in the eye and tell you that you have worth, that you're beautiful and valuable. I appreciate that the God of the entire universe takes the time to reassure me of His love and my worth. He vows His love and affirmation to each of us.

Thoreau writes, "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately..."
I too want to live well. And deliberately. I did not expect my pre-birthday introspection to be encouraging or life giving. But it was.
I did not expect to leave the woods feeling hope and promise for the coming year, but I do. I do indeed.

I have been reminded that I am lovely and worthwhile. Because of Abba's steadfast love and a few hours in the woods, I am renewed and established. I readily face tomorrow and all the uncertainty it may bring. And I celebrate that I have a strong voice and great things to share with the world.



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"The real marks of wildness, are a love of nature, a delight in silence, a voice free to say spontaneous things, and an exuberant curiosity in the face of the unknown."
-Robert Bly